You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
