So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
