I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You did what with his pubic hair?
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