I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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