I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
