Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
