I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
