well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
