If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
