so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
