I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
