I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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