I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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