Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
