dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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