My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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