Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
