did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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