His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
