the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
