Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
