I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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