what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
