in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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