I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
