Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
