Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
