just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
