The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's the barista slut.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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