I should be sponsored by Trojan
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
