maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
