this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
