Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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