he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
