help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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