If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i think i have two assholes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
