dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
