The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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