Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
