I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
