check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My liver just broke up with me...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
