I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
