some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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