'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
