If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
