Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
