I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
