The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
