There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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