Someone shit on the floor
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
