I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
