I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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